Marriage Proposals Gone Wrong: "Take The B** Home"

Jim Luff
Posted on September 28, 2016

Today concludes a three-week long mini-series about marriage proposals going wrong in the back of a limousine (see story #1 here and story #2 here). I have learned men who charter a limousine for the purpose of proposing marriage are generally not stable for starters, and somehow think the glamour and allure of a limousine will be the magic ticket to betrothal.

Here is the story of unlucky bachelor #3: In my next installment of marriage proposal disasters, I picked up a man who was quite wealthy based on the size of his riverfront home which included a six-car garage. Only this time, it wasn’t a one-time charter for him. In fact, I had driven him many, many times with many different women. I’ll call him Chuck. Chuck had a standard line with women. He wasn’t exactly Mr. Charming. He would tell all of them, “You know what your problem is? You’re too uptight. You need to relax, have a few cocktails, and let your hair down a little.” Seriously, if I had a dollar for every girl he said that to, I would be rich.

We go to pick up “Pam,” a girl we had picked up many times in the last few months. To give you an idea of the manners Chuck displayed, it was standard procedure for me to go to the front door of the residence and fetch the flavor-of-the-week date and board her through the driver’s side of the car as Chuck wasn’t going to move from his seat to let her in. I digress.

My instructions for the night were to drive to a place called Breckenridge Mountain. Not the famous one in Colorado, but the not-so-famous one that looms over the city of Bakersfield. It's a beautiful place to go at night to see the lights of the city. Apparently, Chuck thought this was a good place to propose marriage to Pam. I had been informed in advance this time of Chuck’s intentions, so this wasn’t going to be a surprise to me. There would definitely be some other surprises that night. We arrived at what I felt was the perfect plateau for parking with a gorgeous view of the city lights. I didn’t expect to be here very long. I envisioned being at Chuck’s favorite bar in 30 minutes with him telling everyone he just got engaged.

Instead, the car started hopping all over the place even though we were stationary. I could hear the usual noises through the partition of you know what. I grabbed my book I brought along, flipped on the map light, and read quietly as the car rocked and swayed. Soon, it became quiet and I started thinking of the latex gloves I would wear in the post-trip clean-up.

I could hear Chuck profess his love to her and how the past THREE months had been a “whirlwind of fun together” and he couldn’t imagine living into the future without Pam beside him to “enjoy all that life and I have to offer you.” It was sappy for sure. I give Chuck an A+ on the proposal. Silence falls. A very long silence. Soon, I hear Pam explain to Chuck that she likes him a lot, but three months is a relatively short time to decide on spending your life with someone. She wasn’t quite ready for it and really thought they should slow down and see where the relationship goes. I tried to focus on my book. But this unfolding story was much better.

Suddenly, the partition drops down and Chuck barks an order at me and says, “Jim, please take the bitch home immediately.” Ouch! Talk about a sore loser. I drove Chuck many more times after that night. I never saw Pam again.

Related Topics: chauffeur behavior, chauffeur training, client markets, customer service, difficult clients, Jim Luff, Shop Talk blog

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Comments ( 1 )
  • Smart Ass

     | about 4 years ago

    Chuck is a smart man :-)

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