Operations

Handling Naughty Nights Out in Limos

Posted on March 14, 2013 by - Also by this author

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During the past 20 years, I have seen it all when it comes to bachelor and bachelorette parties in chauffeured vehicles. Some memories bring smiles and other memories still haunt me. You tend to get better at handling these runs the more you do them, but the shock factor never entirely disappears. I want to share some personal observations from me and my chauffeur team on a market niche that is naughty by nature but very nice for the bottom line.

Code of Silence
As we all know, there is a standard of confidentiality in our business. “What goes on in the limo stays in the limo” is a principle that takes a page from the Las Vegas Golden Rule — and for good reason. Clients riding in a chauffeur-driven vehicle seem to lose all inhibitions and do things they would not normally do. Could you imagine watching a professional administrative assistant from your office slurping down her beverage in an anatomically correct penis tumbler? Or a co-worker so plastered he can’t even form a sentence?

In my quest to share naughty stories with you by interviewing chauffeurs around the nation, many were unwilling to talk about it for this article unless I assured them their names would be changed or no last names used. This is an affirmative nod to the code of silence. In most small towns, sharing stories of risqué behavior could cause people to shun doing business with you.

• • • • •

Rule No. 1: Mum on client behavior. No gossiping.

Guys vs. Girls Behavior
While men are often referred to as “pigs” and are believed to be dirty minded creatures, I can tell you the overall behavior of women out for a night of debauchery has been far more shocking to me than a group of men. For the most part, men drink excessively and like to go to strip clubs for their big night out. While seeing live naked women may exceed the bounds of decency by many standards, I have had many women bring along photos I can only assume were ripped out of Playgirl magazines. These photos are proudly taped to the interior windows or walls of the vehicle as phallic decorations. Women bring along pacifiers/suckers, napkins, straws and tumblers all shaped to resemble the male organ. The closest thing men might bring is a blow-up doll with anatomically correct features. Men do proudly carry these blow-up dolls into nightclubs or bars they might visit during the night. Girls tend to dress the bachelorette up with tiaras with white veils and sashes that say, “Bride-to-be.” In my opinion, this is a shameless plug for free drinks everywhere they go. But it seems to work as guys clamor for the attention of a gaggle of girls walking into a club. On the other hand, unless the bachelor is carrying a blow up doll, there really is no way to differentiate which dude is the bachelor in a bachelor party.

• • • • •

Rule No. 2: Chauffeurs on these runs need a sense of humor but a clear sense of command. Make sure you assign the right ones.

Taking It Too Far
While the girls might be the ones that appear to be dirtier by what they bring to the party, seldom do girls bring along a real live man. It is not uncommon for guys to hire a stripper or two to ride along with them on a limo bus and put the “entertainment pole” to good use in a private show. I doubt that most of them would go home and tell their wives or girlfriends about this part of the night. Unless the girls go to a male revue show, they are merely looking at photos pasted on a wall as opposed to the live version models performing for them. There just aren’t a lot of strip clubs for women.

The whole bachelor/bachelorette party is deemed to be a “last night of fun” ritual. I have seen more than my share of taking it too far — to a level that could cause an impending marriage to be called off if the other party knew how their beloved had behaved during the night. I have observed a bachelorette and a bachelor go home with someone other than the one they are going to marry soon. Sadly, or happily for the chauffeur, three chauffeurs reported that they went home with the bachelorette or member of the bachelorette party at the end of their driving shift.

This could be considered a perk of the job or completely unprofessional, but I don’t judge what happens after hours. I also have seen guys go a little too far with hired strippers that actually become hired prostitutes whether they want to call themselves that or not.

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